Driving Force
by wildemoon
Summary: Logan's return could change everything for Scott & Jean. HET - Logan/Jean, Scott/Jean, Scott/OFC
1. Moment of Weakness

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Moment of Weakness"

Series: Driving Force #1

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it, my site .net/wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Moment of Weakness" by Joan Armatrading.

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Logan's return could change everything for Scott and Jean.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: the movie

_I'm not the sort of person _

_Who falls in and quickly out of love,_

_But to you I gave my affection _

_Right from the start._

Logan stared at Jean without reserve. No matter how pretty she looked in his memory, it could never compare to the woman before him, and he'd missed her every second he'd been away. Her clothes were the usual mix of professional and sexy, the knee-length skirt stirred by the slight breeze outside the school. /Love those slits on the skirt.../ "Hey."

Coming out of whatever state of shock his sudden appearance had brought on, Jean smiled and stepped closer. Her hair seemed redder, more fiery in the sunlight. "I didn't expect you back so soon."

"Didn't find much." /I couldn't stay away./ "Besides, I missed this place." /I missed you./

"Look at you..." Jean's hand gently grazed his now-bare cheek.

Without thinking, Logan caught her hand, releasing it a moment later with a shrug. "Like it? I got tired of lookin' like I just got off a drinking binge."

She smiled and let her hand fall back to her side. "You look good."

Trying not to let on how much the compliment meant, Logan replied, "Thanks." Without thinking, he stepped closer. "I missed you."

Jean looked down, a blush creeping over her cheeks. "Logan-"

He lifted her chin with one finger and kissed her, gently at first, unsure of her reaction. For a few seconds, he honestly expected to be slapped senseless. To his surprise, her hands were soon in his hair and she was holding him as close as he was her. The sensation of actually doing what he had imagined so many times was overwhelming: her touch, her scent, her warmth all

surrounded him.

And then it was over. Jean stood a few feet away, hand covering her mouth, mumbling something to the effect of "I'm sorry" and backing away. Logan reached out for her, but she disappeared into the school.

/Damn. Knew it couldn't be that easy./

_I have a lover who loves me. _

_How could I break such a heart?_

_Yet still you get my attention._

Scott slid the auto repair book back into its place on the shelf and glanced out the window, doing a double-take when he saw Jean talking with a familiar man. /I know him from... Logan!/

He felt his chest constrict when he saw Jean's hand reaching out to touch Logan's bare cheek. /Chill out, Scott. It's a perfectly innocent gesture. You trust Jean even if you'd rather blast Logan than have him anywhere near her./ Scott forced back the little voice warning him that he should trust his gut instinct, that nothing involving Logan could ever be innocent. /Why am I watching this? I'm not that insecure, am I? Guess so./

Suddenly Logan moved closer to Jean. Scott knew with perfect clarity what he intended. /But Jean's gonna stop him./ She remained in place, though Scott could see her glance down at the ground before Logan lifted her chin. /C'mon, Jeannie, stop him./ Before Scott's mind could process the fact that Jean had yet to back away, Logan kissed her. /I'm gonna kill him!/ And Jean kissed him back. Scott could see her arms sliding around his neck.

He fell back into the desk chair, almost unable to breathe, heart still to the point of stopping. /She kissed him./ He repeated the phrase over and over silently, not trusting his eyes alone. Finally, Jean did pull away, shaking her head and covering her mouth with her hand. Scott saw her retreating toward the school and rose, jaw set and muscles tight. /Might as well get this over with./

_This old love _

_Has me bound_

_But new love cuts deep._

_If I choose now_

_I'll lose out;_

_One of you has to fall_

_I need you _

_And you._

Jean staggered into the school, mind reeling. She could almost feel Logan's lips on hers, and it wasn't helping anything. Suddenly Jean knew she wasn't alone in the hallway. "Scott!" It came out as more of an exclamation than she'd intended, and she knew her voice was as unsteady as she felt. "What is it?" /Oh, God, he knows./

"I was at the window."

She felt her breath catch in her throat. "Oh, God... Scott-"

"Don't." Reaching out, he took her left hand and slid off the engagement ring that rested there. "You're free. Do whatever you want." Tears ran from under his ruby-tinted glasses and he turned away.

/Stop standing here like an idiot. You're losing him!/ "Scott! Wait!"

He shook his head and hurried down the hall, sending, /Don't, Jean. Not now./

Jean fled to the first place she thought of, Xavier's office. He was helping certain students with an experiment elsewhere, and she needed to be alone quickly. As soon as she shoved open the door, Jean fell against the nearest wall, letting the door slide shut on its own. /Why did I let this happen?/ Tears flowed down her face and she fought to get a grip on her own thoughts. /What am I feeling? Why can I tell everyone else what's happening in their mind and not my own?/

The door clicked open and she jumped with a gasp. Xavier entered the room, brow furrowed.

"Jean? What is it? I could feel your distress halfway across the school." Unable to speak,

she held out her bare left hand, the pale band of skin where the engagement ring used to be

painfully apparent. "I see. What happened?"

Before Jean could answer, the door opened again and Logan stepped inside. Instantly, Xavier's expression became one of understanding, his suspicions confirmed when Jean gazed steadfastly at the carpet beneath her feet rather than look at Logan. "Could you return later? I believe we need a moment."

"Yeah. Sure. I just wanted to make sure Jean's okay."

"She will be." With a tight nod, Logan ducked out again. "I see. I'm not going to ask what happened. I can figure out enough without knowing the specifics." His tone wasn't accusing or angry, merely maddeningly rational. "What do you intend to do?"

"I don't... I... Professor, how am I supposed to decide anything when I can't..." Jean took a deep breath and tried desperately to clear her head. "I just want to be still."

"Perhaps you should gather some things together. There is a room down the far hall that is more or less isolated. Might that help?"

Jean nodded and swallowed past the roughness of her throat. "Yes." /I hope./

**Epilogue**

A soft knock at the door pulled Jean out of the light meditative state she'd managed to attain after two hours of controlled breathing and consciously clearing her mind. She rose with a sigh, padding to the door in her socks and long nightshirt. "Who is it?"

"Me."

/Logan. Shit./ Jean opened the door just enough to look through the crack. "Look, this isn't-"

"Yeah." He nodded his agreement. "Just wanted to say... just..." Jean had never seen Logan look nervous before and never so uncomfortable. His hazel eyes finally lifted to hers. "I just want you to know it's more than just the kiss, alright? But whatever you decide, if you decide, it doesn't change the way I feel." Nodding as if to confirm his own statement, Logan walked away without another word.

Jean closed the door, face blank, and went back to bed.


	2. Gathering Clouds

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Gathering Clouds"

Series: Driving Force #2

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it, my site .net/wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Like the Weather" by 10,000 Maniacs.

'Ship: none

Classification: angst

Summary: Jean tries to decide between Scott and Logan.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: the movie

_~The color of the sky as far as I can see is coal gray. _

_Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again. _

_With a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. _

_A quiver in my lips as if I might cry.~ _

It's daytime, but it still looks dark in my little room down the hall. It's something like my other room. Our other room. But it's smaller. And colder. Or maybe that's my imagination. I can't tell anymore.

It's almost funny how surreal everything is. I sat at the window with the curtain pulled back today and watched the rain for the better part of four hours. Usually I love rainy days. I remember dragging Scott outside after we first started dating and making him walk with me in the rain. I made it worth his while later that evening. For a time while I watched the rain, it seemed that day hadn't been so long ago. It was years, though, really.

I wonder how long I've been sitting in this room, trying to think, to not think, to remember, to forget. It can't be more than a day or two. Or maybe a week. Everything is fuzzy, hazy like the clouds outside. Gray.

_~I hear the sound of a noon bell chime. _

_Now I'm far behind. _

_You've put in 'bout half a day _

_While here I lie _

_With a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. _

_A quiver in my lip as if I might cry, _

_What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away?~ _

I can hear the school bells sometimes. I know when classes end, can almost hear the sound of feet trampling over antique rugs and up and down varnished stairs. That gives me some idea of time. But not much. The minute the sounds are gone, I forget. Or I remember something else.

A clap of thunder rings out and I jump, despite having watched the flash of lightening shoot down only moments before. And thunder always follows lightening. Cause and effect. I remember the first time I tried to treat Logan, remember the way my heart pounded in my chest when he sprang from the table, ready to attack. He apologized later, and even though it might have seemed brief or insincere to someone else, I could tell he meant it. Logan rarely says anything he doesn't mean.

"I just want you to know it's more than just the kiss, alright? But whatever you decide, if you decide, it doesn't change the way I feel."

I rub the back of my arms with my hands and try to force his words from my mind, at least for now. They just make it harder to think. At least the room isn't as cold now. Maybe the rain will stop too.

_~Do I need someone here to scold me _

_Or do I need someone who'll grab and pull me out of this four poster dull torpor pulling downward. _

_For it is such a long time since my better days. _

_I say my prayers nightly this will pass away.~ _

Back in bed again. Not sleeping. I actually can't remember the last time I slept. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I should. But I doubt I can. I can't get my mind to be quiet long enough to relax, to let sleep come.

Of course, the thinking itself is even harder than the trying not to think. It hurts more. I wish I could be removed from it all. Not just down the hall from everything and everyone but outside it, beyond it, above it. No longer part of life. At least not of my life. I have a decision to make, and I can't even begin to make it.

How do I choose between the man I've loved for years and the man I'm falling in love with? God, I didn't even realize that until I thought it. I am falling for him. Dammit. That's why I try not to think. It just makes things worse. I roll over, close my eyes, and pray for sleep. I need it to stop, at least for a little while.

_~I shiver, quiver, and try to wake.~ _


	3. Not Gone

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Not Gone"

Series: Driving Force #3

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it,

.net/wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott.

But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Can't Be Really Gone" by Tim McGraw.

'Ship: none (mention of Jean/Scott)

Classification: angst/vignette

Summary: Scott worries that Jean might not be coming back.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: the movie

_I don't know when she'll come back_

_She must intend to come back..._

_Just look around the room_

_So much of her remains..._

_So, she can't be really gone._

_~Tim McGraw "Can't Be Really Gone"_

Scott leaned against the pillows propped up on the headboard of the bed and sighed. /She's been gone for three days, locked up in that damn room./ He knew better than to go to her, to try to convince her she belonged back in their room, back with him. /After all, I was the one who took back the damn engagement ring./ The ring sat glistening on her nightstand beside a half-finished book. /She has to come back./

Scott's own half-finished book lay open on his lap, all but forgotten. Any attempt at doing anything but think about Jean failed more often than not. /What if she doesn't come back? If I'm this bad after three days, how would I survive a week? A month?/ The concept of years was too horrible to contemplate.

"She'll come back," he assured the still room. "She has to."

Truthfully, he was less than convinced. /I can't let myself think that way! Why would she stay with me for all these years if she didn't love me?/ He threw the book to the floor in a sudden surge of anger. /Logan wasn't here before. That's the difference. Damn him!/

Scott took a deep breath and closed his eyes. /It's not Logan's fault. I don't see how anyone could keep from falling in love with her. But he didn't have to kiss her. And she didn't have to like it./ Tears threatened again, and he fought them. /Self-pity is a little premature. I hope. God, I hope./

Turning off the light and laying the pillows down again, Scott closed his eyes and prepared for another night of pretending to sleep.


	4. Waiting

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Waiting

Series: Driving Force #4

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks me nicely for it, .net/wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or the song "Hands are Tied" by Gin Blossoms, so don't sue, k? I promise they'll be returned when I'm done with them.

'Ship: none

Classification: angst/vignette

Summary: Logan ponders his connection to Jean and wonders about her decision.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

_I've been waiting around all night_

_Your warm kiss is on my mind_

_A piece of you is all I've got_

_But the whole damn thing is what I want_

_I've been waiting around here all night long_

_Holding on to these memories until they come undone_

_My hands are tied..._

_My nerves are frayed and I've had enough_

_I'm a lot afraid that it'll hurt too much_

Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see Jean that first night, but I had to talk to her. It wouldn't've done to have 'er think I just wanted her. I do want her. But I need her too. More than that, I love her.

I can't remember feeling for anyone the way I feel about her. I probably have. Or maybe not. I can't imagine anybody else, any other woman, getting under my skin like this, making me feel like this. It's not something I can put my finger on, either. It's some nebulous, amazing force that makes Jean stronger, smarter, more beautiful than any other woman alive or dead.

Scares me knowin' I can finally identify with Scooter about somethin'. I just wish we didn't feel the same way about the same girl. It's tearin' her apart, and I know that's mostly my fault. I could've stayed away and maybe she would've forgotten about me eventually. Her and Scott could've gotten married and been happy and never thought about me again. They'd been happy so far, no reason they wouldn't have stayed that way.

Life's never that simple.

I couldn't stay away from her, so I came back. I couldn't keep my hands off of her, so I kissed her. And she kissed me back. And now everything's torn apart and turned upside-down.

I caught Professor Xavier studying me like I was a bug under a microscope the other day in the cafeteria. He was staring straight through me, and it didn't have a damn thing to do with psychic powers. Strange thing is, I didn't get any sense that he was mad at me or even upset. He was just... curious, I guess. Weird. But he ain't the kinda guy I'd wanna have mad at me, so that works out pretty well. I guess he can't figure out why Jean might want me anymore than

I can.

So it's all up to the woman I love to weight it all out and see whose heart she wants to break. I wish there was a way I could take the burden off of Jeannie's shoulders so she could leave that damn little room and live her life, but I know she's the only one who can decide what she wants-who she wants.

So we wait.


	5. Driving Force

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Driving Force

Series: Driving Force #5

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it, www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Even Angels Fall" by Jessica Riddle.

'Ship: Jean/Logan

Classification: angst/romance

Summary: Jean finally makes a choice.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: the movie

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net please

_You found hope, you found faith,_

_Found how fast she could take it away._

_Found true love, but lost your heart._

_Now you don't know who you are._

I think I should have seen it coming. If I'd ever had a chance, I think it would have come immediately. After so many years, it shouldn't have been a gut-wrenching choice for her. I should have been a shoe-in. At least I thought so.

When I went to the door, I didn't expect to find Jean standing there. She looked a little tired, but she had dressed and combed her hair, and I thought she looked gorgeous, especially after not seeing her for almost a week. I wanted to hold her so much I'm surprised I managed to stay still, to wait for her to make the first move.

She sort of smiled. A little, sad, half-smile. "I... I have to try. I can't live the rest of my life not knowing. It wouldn't be fair."

So I knew. I staggered a step back before I realized I had done it and caught myself by grabbing the door. It felt like she had smacked me in the chest with an anvil. But she can't mean it! my heart screamed. "Jean, are-"

"Yes. I'll... I'll see you," she finished, wincing at how hollow the words were. Or maybe it hurt her as much as it hurt me. Maybe she could still feel me through our bond. Maybe I'll never get a chance to ask.

"Oh." I shut the door. What else could I do? Certainly, I couldn't stand there and look into her eyes. I would've lost my tenuous control over my emotions if I had. As it was, my hands were shaking as I walked away from the door.

How could she love someone else, want someone else? I never can. I never will.

_You laugh, you cry, no one knows why,_

_But oh, the thrill of it all._

_You're on the ride,_

_You might as well open your eyes._

She picked me Damned if I thought I had a chance. I knew I wanted one. I knew I would've given anything to have her as close again as she was that day. But I really thought I'd lose out to Scooter like usual. I mean, they're all bonded and everything. Figured that'd tip the scales his way.

Guess I got under her skin as much as she got under mine. There were tears on her cheeks when I saw her coming down the hall toward me. Seemed like a bad sign.

"I just... I went to Scott..." she had started cryin' again by then. "I told him that you and I deserve a chance." I must've looked as ridiculously stunned as I felt, because my expression managed to make her smile. "You still want to try?"

"God, Jeannie, there isn't anything I want more." Sappy. Yeah. I know. But I wanted to be honest with her. I don't think I could lie to Jean if I tried, all psychic powers aside. "You sure?"

"I'm sure." She was smiling for real by then, and it felt like some light that had always been turned off in my head suddenly snapped on.

I laughed and grabbed her, makin' myself by gentle. Wouldn't've done to crack her ribs or somethin'. "You aren't gonna regret it."

I felt her laugh against my chest. There was somethin' sad about that laugh. "I hope not." She won't ever be sad again if I have anything to do with it.

_You will fly and you will crawl._

_God knows even angels fall._

_No such thing as you've lost it all._

_God knows even angels fall._

_Even angels fall._

_Even angels fall. _

I couldn't deny the thrill at having Logan's arms wrapped around me and knowing that it was alright There was nothing wrong about it. I ran my hand along his cheek again. "Grow it back."

He arched an eyebrow at me, smiling. "You kiddin'?"

"No. I miss it. It was sexy."

He laughed then, and I realized it was the first time I'd ever seen him laugh. I liked it. I liked the way the corners of his eyes crinkled and his chest rumbled. "Whatever you want, Jeannie. No more shavin' for me."

"Good." I stepped back then, away from him. "This isn't going to be easy, Logan."

His expression sobered immediately. "Never thought it would be. But some of the hardest things are the most worth it. 'Sides, I thought X-Men were all about challenging what people think?"

"Suppose you're right." Behind my smile, I could still feel pain. I'm still not sure if the pain is mine or Scott's. Or both. I don't think he'll be out of my head or my heart anytime soon. Maybe not ever.

"Doesn't matter," he answered immediately. "This thing with us... it's not like it changes the fact that you an' Scoo- uh, Scott have a history. Just means you want to make some new history."

I smiled a bit more genuinely at the suggestion and at Logan's earnest expression. As much as he hated the idea of it all, he was fighting hard to be even and reasonable. The effort very nearly killed him, and that made it all the sweeter a gesture. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right. It may not happen a lot, but when it does..." Logan was smiling again, one hand gently playing with my hair. "We deserve a shot."

Turning my head, I kissed his hand. "Yes, we do."

But it isn't going to be easy.


	6. Survival

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Survival"

Series: Driving Force #6

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott.

But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song

"I Will Not Forget You" by Sarah McLachlan.

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst/vignette

Summary: Scott contemplates Jean's blossoming relationship with Logan.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net please

_I will, oh, I will not forget you,_

_Nor will I ever let you go._

_I will, oh, I will not forget you._

The one thing I manage to comfort myself with is that they haven't slept together. As it is, I can feel Jean's every shift in mood during the day, during the night. She's been sleeping alone. Crying herself to sleep sometimes. And I can feel it all. I guess our bond hasn't dissolved despite the fact that we aren't together anymore. It scares me that I know it will eventually fade. I cling to it like a lifeline. I dread losing that last little bit of her. I don't know if I can survive that.

I finally made myself go to breakfast with everyone else yesterday. I smiled at the Professor and sat across from Ororo. She gave me one of those sweet, proud smiles, and I honestly did feel a little better. It's good to have friends when you're trying to hang on to your sanity. I only made the mistake of glancing toward Jean once. She was watching me, her eyes full of so much pain that I couldn't hold the contact. It's somehow worse for me when I think that she's hurting too. Maybe I should be happy that she feels bad about walking away from me, but, in all honesty, I just want her to be happy.

Of course, she is happy a lot of the time. I keep catching the two of them together. I try to avoid the both of them at all costs, but the school isn't big enough to manage it all the time. I saw them sitting outside the other day, his arm around her waist, her head on his shoulder. They were laughing at some shared joke. Feeling sick to my stomach, I had canceled my last class of the day and gone back to my room to finish the day in quiet darkness.

I'm starting to realize how foolish it is to hold out any hope of ever having her again. Obviously, she's made her choice. And she's more or less satisfied with it. She's fine. She'll get even better. They're falling in love.

And I don't know how I'm going to live through it.


	7. Jealous Guy

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Jealous Guy"

Series: Driving Force #7

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Jealous Guy" by John Lennon.

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Scott tries to adjust to living without Jean.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: the movie

Feedback: to wilde at Biteyourtongue dot net please

_I was dreaming of the past_

_And my heart was beating fast_

_I began to lose control_

_I began to lose control_

I wish I could dream about her every night. It's the only time I can still hold Jean, talk to her. When we're awake, I can barely even glance at her. It hurts her to see me, and it kills me not to be with her, so we avoid each other. Mostly, I avoid her. And Logan.

The funny thing is, Logan has been more polite to me since... He's been almost civil. I mean, he's not starting me a fan club or anything, but I think he feels a little... not guilty, exactly. I think he pities me. He's glad he's not in my shoes.

Luckily, he avoids me most of the time like I do him. I can't stand all the second-guessing seeing him causes. Is it all that hair? His anti-social personality? The way he watches everyone like they're about to attack him? Or is it even him? Was there something wrong with me? Am I boring? Too controlled? Should I change my hair?

I drive myself half-crazy sometimes wondering what made her leave.

_I was feeling insecure_

_You might not love me anymore_

_I was shivering inside_

_I was shivering inside_

The worst part is that I felt her drawing away after the first time Logan was here. It wasn't anything I could put my finger on. But maybe she didn't smile as much. Maybe I pulled back too. It hurt knowing she'd even found Logan attractive. Even just a little.

When he was hurt after Rogue drained his powers and Jean spent night and day in the infirmary, it was all I could do to convince myself she was a doctor and he was her patient and it made perfect sense for her to be there. All the time. Alone with him. Professor Xavier noticed my jealousy, of course, and called me on it. "Scott, she loves you, has loved you for years. Trust her."

The day after she left me officially, I was angry. I wanted to burst into the Professor's office and scream and rail, to throw his words back in his face and make him see that I had been right all along. But I didn't. I knew he already felt my pain, that he already felt sorry. If I had taken my anger out on him, I would only have been cutting off one of the few friends I have left.

I already lost my best friend to a man I hate.

_I was trying to catch your eye_

_Thought that you was trying to hide_

_I was swallowing my pain_

_I was swallowing my pain_

"Jean?" She turned around slowly, as if every muscle had to be convinced in turn that it was safe. Her eyes were dark, unreadable, but I could feel her apprehension. "Can we at least talk to each other? It's driving me crazy." I knew I sounded pitiful. I knew I was on the verge of begging.

"Of course. We can talk." I don't know if I've ever heard anyone sound less convinced of anything.

I stepped closer, then back again when I caught a flash of discomfort from Jean. It was a slap in the face that I couldn't get close to her. "We were always friends, weren't we? Even before we were together." "Were together." Past tense. God. "Can't we be again? Please."

There were tears in her eyes by then, and I could see resignation in her posture. "Of course, Scott. I... I always want us to be friends. I don't like losing you."

That was the first time I really saw how much she hated being away from me. I knew it had hurt her to leave, but it had never occurred to me that she might really miss me. "Then don't." I forced a smile. It hurt to smile. Especially to smile at Jean. I held out my hand.

She took it briefly, as if it hurt to hold on too long. "Friends."

I almost choked on the word. "Friends."


	8. Sleepless

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Sleepless"

Series: Driving Force #8

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it, www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue!

'Ship: none (mention of Logan/Jean)

Classification: angst/vignette

Summary: Ororo talks to Scott when he has trouble sleeping.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net please

"Scott?" Ororo Munroe peered into the dark library, eyes barely able to make out the form sitting at one of the long tables. The glow from behind his glasses was unmistakable, however. "What are you doing in here in the middle of the night?"

He shrugged, clicking on a light in the middle of the table. "Couldn't sleep. I thought maybe... It seemed like it might be quieter here."

"Quieter? It's almost two in the morning. The whole school is quiet," she protested, sitting down across from her friend.

"Not the whole school," Scott muttered below his breath. "This just seemed like the place to go. I like the way the books smell."

The white-haired woman smiled fondly. "Me too. The Professor's office smells like books too. It's... comforting."

"Yeah."

Her expression grew more serious. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

Scott shifted uneasily in his seat, head down. "It's... uh... I could hear... feel... uh..."

Suddenly Ororo's eyes widened. "Goddess, I'm sorry! I should have... oh..."

He shook his head. "You didn't know. Hell, I wish I didn't know. I mean, it's been three months. I thought the bond was getting weaker, then tonight..." his words trailed off, leaving behind a painful silence.

Ororo covered his hands with hers. "I'm sorry, my friend. It's hard enough for you without this." She bit her lip and searched for something, anything, that might be of comfort. "It will probably fade in time."

Scott nodded, not questioning whether she meant his bond with Jean or Jean's relationship with Logan. "Yeah. Probably." He managed a weak smile. "Thanks, Ro."

"Anytime." She clasped his hands tighter for a moment, then stood. "Go back to bed. You need sleep."

"Yeah, sure. I'll go in a few minutes."

Ororo nodded, then walked out of the room. Scott clicked off the light, plunging the room into darkness again.


	9. Running

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Running"

Series: Driving Force #9

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it,

Biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "When She Wakes Up (And Finds Me Gone)" by Tim McGraw.

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Unable to stand being around Jean anymore, Scott leaves the mansion.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net please

_A note of things I should've said_

_Lays beside her sleeping head_

_As I turn and make my way off in the night_

_By the time the morning's breaking_

_My heart still will be aching_

_Every time I think of what I've left behind_

I stayed in my room most of the day writing the note. I must've gone through a thousand drafts. Every time, it didn't seem like enough. Or it seemed like too much. It's going to hurt her, but I don't want it to hurt too much. I don't want it to hurt her like it hurts me. I can feel my heart breaking with every word.

I have to leave. I can't think of any way to stand being here any longer without her. I know I was the one who said we should be friends, but I need her too much. It kills me to be with her and not hold her. I need to be far enough away that I can't turn back and go home. Where that is, I don't know.

Since I can't just tell her all the things I need to say, I wrote them, pouring my love into a note instead of her eyes. It's probably a cold way to leave her, but anything else would be impossible. I can't look in her eyes and then leave.

I finally finished the note, folded it, wrote her name on the outside. I slipped into her new room quietly. When I saw Logan there, sleeping with his arm around her waist, I knew it wouldn't be as easy as I'd hoped to leave unnoticed, but I put the note beside her head on the pillow and brushed back a strand of her hair anyway. I needed that much if I was never going to see her again.

_'Cause I don't want to see me leaving in her eyes_

_And I can't stand to watch her watch me make her cry_

_And I don't know a right way I can do her wrong_

_So I don't want to be here in the morning_

_When she wakes up and finds me gone_

I don't guess he expected me to follow 'im, but I did. He goes into Jean's room in the middle of the night with some note and expects me to just let him go? Uh-uh. Doesn't work that way.

"Where you goin'?"

Scooter looked at me like he'd rather pull out his own toenails than talk to me. "I don't know. I need to leave."

I growled without even thinking about it, and he took a step back. "You know how much this is gonna hurt Jeannie, don't you?"

"Yeah." That's when I noticed that there were tears runnin' down his face. Damned if it wasn't one of the saddest things I ever remember seein'. "Look, Logan, I know. I just can't stay."

Funny thing is, I could understand. I think if I were in his place, I'd do the same thing. Hell, I more or less did the same thing. But I couldn't stay away from her, and I came back. He will too. I tried to soften my tone. "Yeah. Just don't be too long."

He seemed confused for a minute, then nodded. "Okay." And he walked away. It's either the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do or the stupidest. I can't quite decide which.

_It hurts to know how much she'll hurt _

_I've told myself things could be worse_

_And I've convinced myself she's better off this way_

_By the time she finds I'm gone_

_I'll be a long, long way from home_

_When she reads a note of things I couldn't say_

/Jean,

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Having my eyes taped shut for two months and living in fear of myself is nothing compared to how scary it is to live without you, without your love.

I'm leaving the school. I left the Professor a note too. I guess I'm too chicken to tell either of you in person. I don't want to hurt you. I know I am. I'm sorry.

I love you. I will always love you. I don't care how far apart we are or how much we change or whether we even ever see each other again, I'll love you until the day I die. Probably after too. Finding you was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Having you love me was better than I ever could've hoped.

I wish it would have worked, but I do understand, maybe not fully, but enough. I hope that someday you'll forgive me for doing this; there's just no other way.

All my love,

Scott/

_Lord I don't want to be here in the morning_

_When she wakes up and finds me gone_


	10. Repercussions

Author: Elizabeth Wilde  
>Title: "Repercussions"<br>Series: Driving Force #10  
>Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it,<br>www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde  
>Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Ain't No Way to Go" by Brooks &amp; Dunn.<br>'Ship: Logan/Jean  
>Classification: angstromance  
>Summary: Jean tries to deal with Scott's departure.<br>Rating: PG-13  
>Spoilers: none<br>Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net please

_Don't you think that I deserve  
>To hear you say goodbye?<br>That ain't no way to go  
>Was it all a lie?<br>After all this time that ain't no way to go.  
>~Brooks &amp; Dunn "Ain't No Way to Go"<em>

Logan heard a dull thud from inside Jean's room and rushed inside, noting the large book on the floor and a new dent in the wall. He turned to Jean, eyebrow raised. "Not your favorite book, I take it?"

Jean forced a smile. "Not really." She sighed and her whole form seemed to sag. "God, Logan, how could he just leave like that? Without even saying good-bye!"

"He didn't know how to say it, darlin'," Logan replied, sitting down on the bed beside her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

Jean pulled back and looked at the man beside her with obvious shock. "Did I just hear you defend Scott?"

He shrugged. "Don't expect me to make a habit of it. This time... I can see it, why he left. I did it too."

"Yeah, you did. That was different, though. Scott..."

"Yeah. He's Scott."

"Yeah." Her fist pounded gently onto Logan's leg. "Why did you let him leave? Why didn't you stop him?"

"Because it's not my business to tell Scooter what he should do with his life," Logan replied bluntly. "Plus, I ain't exactly the right guy to go to for sermonizing. Guess I could've warned him he was turnin' into me," he finished, hoping the joke, lame though it was, would lighten the mood.

It didn't. Jean shook her head. "I'm sorry. It's... I'm not mad at you. Or him. I'm mad at myself. He wouldn't have left otherwise, would he? If I..."

"Look, if you're gonna take the blame, I gotta pull at least half of it off your shoulders. This whole situation took the both of us," he reminded his lover softly. "Don't beat yourself up, Jeannie."

"I just miss him," she admitted. "We haven't talked or seen each other much the past few months, but..." her voice faltered.

"But that doesn't mean you don't love him."

"Logan, I-"

"Don't worry 'bout it, darlin'. I hear most people have lotsa love to go around. Just tough old bastards like me that have trouble with it."

This time he received a smile and a small laugh for his efforts. "Stop it! I'm trying to be upset."

"You should be putting more effort into it, then."

Jean wrapped her arms around Logan's chest and rested her forehead against his neck. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it, Jeannie. I just want you to be happy."


	11. Faded

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: "Faded"

Series: Driving Force #11

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks nicely for it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, unfortunately. I'd really love to own Scott. But for now I'm just borrowing them, so don't sue! I also don't own the song "Broadway" by Goo Goo Dolls.

'Ship: none (mention of Logan/Jean)

Classification: angst

Summary: Scott sits in a New York City bar and contemplates his situation.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net please

_Broadway is dark tonight_

_A little bit weaker than you used to be_

_Broadway is dark tonight_

_See the young man sitting_

_In the old man's bar_

_Waiting for his turn to die._

_~Goo Goo Dolls "Broadway"_

The constant hazy smoke in the bar had long ago moved Scott's headache up to a migraine. His head pounded with every beat of the tinny-sounding jukebox. A half-finished beer, his first and last of the night, sat on the counter in front of him.

The bartender threw an annoyed glance in the young man's direction and groused, "You gonna drink that or just memorize the label?" Receiving no reply, he mumbled something about Scott being a "cheap bastard" and turned away to attend more serious patrons.

It didn't really matter to Scott whether the bartender hated him or not. /By tomorrow, I'll either be in another bar or another city./ For almost a month, New York City had provided refuge, an easy place to get lost in the crowd. No one gave a second glance to the morose young man with red sunglasses. Scott sighed. He needed to be further away. It was still tempting to return to Westchester.

A skinny woman-almost a girl-with long, stringy bleached-blond hair and too much make-up even in the dim light sat down at the bar next to Scott and offered her best approximation of a sultry smile. "Hey, there. You look like you could use some cheering up."

Scott gave her a sideways glance, then stared resolutely at his beer. "No thanks."

"Aw, c'mon, it won't cost you much."

Her hand moved to his thigh, sliding higher and higher until Scott caught her wrist. "I'm not interested, okay?"

The woman jerked her hand away, obviously angry. "Fuck you, loser," she hissed before stalking over to another man on the other end of the bar.

/Can't even have a civil conversation with a hooker,/ he half-joked to himself. His gaze scanned the bar. The people inside were no different than the people he had seen in any other bar, and most of them were there for more or less the same reason he was: to forget, to be forgotten, to get lost in the shadows.

A few odd jobs here and there plus a lifetime of savings kept Scott in cheap food and scuzzy motels with little trouble. /Is this really the way I want to live my life? Do I want to run forever? Of course, even if I don't, I can't go back to the only real home I've ever had./ Returning to the school wasn't an option, and his parents had certainly pushed thoughts of him as far from their minds as possible. He was a freak, an embarrassment, a blight on their flawless social record.

At first after he left, he held some sort of bizarre hope that someone would come after him, beg him to come home. But weeks passed and no one came. He still regretted having had to face Logan before leaving. The lack of reproach in the other man's eyes still weighed on him. /Logan, of all people, is probably the only one who understands. He did the same damn thing. Fuck./

Unable to take sitting quietly anymore, Scott put his money down on the counter and shuffled quickly out of the bar. The air outside was only marginally cleaner, and his lungs protested the change for the thousandth time. After spending so many years in the clean country atmosphere of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, his body and mind were ill prepared to face city life. /But where else could I be just another person?/

/Not that I need to hide. No one is looking. The professor could find me anytime he wanted. But he hasn't. And he won't./ Scott kicked an empty can into a ditch and watched the dirty sidewalk as he headed back to his motel. /And I can't go back on my own. What does the fearless leader of the X-Men do when challenged with adversity?/ Scott thought bitterly. /He runs./


	12. The End v1point0

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: The End v1.0

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks me nicely for it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or the song "I Didn't Ask and She Didn't Say" by Tim McGraw. Don't sue, please! I don't have anything worth taking!

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Scott and Jean meet in a New York City airport after almost ten years apart.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net if you really love me

_~Staring up at the screen, all flights were delayed_

_When a voice from behind me asked,_

_"Stranger, how have you been?"_

_I was caught off guard when I saw her face_

_Stumbled my way through an awkward embrace_

_Yet somehow I managed to say, "Good to see you again."_

_We caught up on old friends_

_Caught up on old times_

_But all through the small talk, it kept burning through my mind_

_Does she think about the nights we spent on Crystal Lake_

_Wrapped up in a blanket 'til the break of day_

_So many times I've wondered does she think of me that way?_

_I didn't ask and she didn't say~_

"Hey, stranger."

Scott started and turned as the voice came from behind him, a voice he hadn't heard for years anywhere but in dreams. Seeing Jean again in the flesh made his breath catch in his throat. He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes at the sight of her tentative smile. Her arms were held out hesitantly, and Scott stepped forward, clasping her against him for the briefest of moments. It hurt too much, and he let go almost at once. Holding her felt too perfect. "Good to see you."

She nodded and half-smiled. "We missed you."

Finding his voice with an effort, Scott asked, "What are you doing here?" An airport in New York City certainly wasn't the place he had imagined running into his lost love again.

"There's a medical conference the professor wants me to attend in California," she explained. "Where are you headed?" There was a reluctance in the question, as if she didn't really expect any response and thus saw no point in the charade of asking at all.

"Texas."

Jean's eyebrows went up. "Texas?"

He nodded. "It seemed as good a place as any." Making small talk with someone he had once planned to spend his life with seemed ludicrous.

She nodded as well. "I guess so."

"So, how is everyone?" Scott wanted to talk about anyone, about anything, but himself.

"Professor Xavier had a heart attack last year, but it was mild. He's completely recovered," she added quickly at the sudden expression of worry and fear on Scott's face. "We're taking good care of him. Rogue and Bobby have both joined the team. Rogue got some new powers awhile back. It's a long story, but she's dealing with it beautifully. And she's found herself a boyfriend: Remy-Gambit-another student. He came after..." the words trailed away and Jean cleared her throat.

"Storm's been leading us. She's wonderful. I always knew she was smart enough, strong enough, but I never knew she had so much drive. It's amazing. You should see her." Jean stopped, avoiding mention of perhaps the most obvious person to discuss.

Scott caught the dodge. "How's Logan?"

There was a trace of bitterness behind the words, but Jean tried to ignore it. "He's good." Her right hand unconsciously moved to the ring on her left hand, a plain silver band that caught the yellow light in the airport and reflected it.

Scott blinked, then stared. It was unmistakably a wedding band. He could feel his chest tighten and had to swallow several times before choking out, "Congratulations, Jean, to both of you."

Her cheeks burned red, from embarrassment or shame, Scott couldn't be sure. "Thank you. I'll tell Logan."

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them, echoing in the years spent apart and the emotional miles they'd racked up.

_~We said our good-byes, swore we'd stay in touch_

_Then we went our separate ways, knowing no one does_

_But I couldn't help but wonder as I walked away_

_If things had turned out different where would we be today?_

_So many times I've wondered does she think of me that way_

_I didn't ask and she didn't say~_

"I have to go. My flight," Scott explained, knowing as well as she did that his flight wouldn't leave for at least another hour with the delays.

"Me too." Jean watched the floor for a moment, then looked back up. "Could you write when you get there? Or call? I don't want to... I'd like to stay in touch."

"Sure. I'll write." The words were hollow, and they both knew it was likely the last time they'd ever be face to face. "Good-bye, Jean." Again, Scott found himself wrestling tears.

"Good-bye, Scott." There were tears in her eyes as well, and a strange catch in her quiet voice. "Take care of yourself."

"You too." He turned and started walking. If he stayed another moment, he knew he would be on his knees begging her to give him a second chance. Despite the pride and self-respect he had lost in his years away from the mansion, Scott had no intention of doing to Logan what Logan had to done to him.

As soon as he was far enough away that there was no chance of Jean following, Scott slumped into one of the padded seats and let the tears fall, mourning a love he'd lost almost a decade before.


	13. Call Me 1point1

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Call Me 1.1

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks me nicely for it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or the song "Call Me" by The Rembrandts. Don't sue, please! I don't have anything worth taking!

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Jean waits for contact.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net if you really love me

_We both know you and I have been through harder times,_

_But now your silence seems a very different kind_

_It feels like I've been dyin' just to hear your voice again._

After Jean's return from the conference in California, Logan noted a strange melancholy in his wife. She smiled less and seemed distracted most of the time. When he finally broke down and pulled the story out of her, it was all Logan could do not to go charging off to Texas to drag Scott back to the mansion. Anything that hurt Jean hurt him, and Scott's departure had done that and then some.

"Do you think he'll ever call?" she asked softly that night, voice asking for hope she couldn't feel.

As much as he wanted to comfort Jean, Logan knew better than to even attempt a lie. "I dunno, darlin'. We'll just have to wait and see."

"Wait," Jean echoed hollowly.

In his heart, Logan knew Jean loved him. Still, they never shared the sort of bond she'd had with Scott, and losing him and their connection weighed on her. "It's gonna work out. I promise."

Her mood lifted a bit then and she turned to lay her head on Logan's chest. "I know it will." He could feel her smile even through he couldn't see it. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Jeannie" But Logan knew it wasn't his assurance she wanted.

_Call me, call me; can't you hear me cryin'?_

_Call me, call me; please don't leave me hanging on._

"Starin' at it ain't gonna make it ring, darlin'." Logan's put his arms around Jean's waist and pulled her tight against him.

Jean sighed and made a vague attempt at humor, "You sure I don't have the willpower?"

"To make it ring, maybe," he allowed. "But you don't just want a dialtone."

Her entire form seemed to sag as she leaned back against her husband. "No, I don't."

"He'll call when he's ready."

"What if he never is?" Logan's silence seemed an oddly fitting response and Jean sighed again.

_So maybe you were right, and maybe I've been wrong_

_Why did I have to go, and wait it out so long?_

_But I didn't mean to hurt you-if only you could feel my pain..._

"Jean, I know you want to speak with Scott, but it isn't something you can force or predict," Professor Xavier advised his former student gently as they sat together in his office.

"You sound like Logan."

"Then Logan is far more insightful than we give him credit for," Xavier returned with a smile. "You should listen to him."

"I have. I do. Hell, I know the same thing if I'm honest with myself. I just don't want to know it. I want to think he'll call. It's just been so long..."

"You miss him."

Jean nodded and her voice was thick with unshed tears when she said, "Yes."

The professor sighed. "Do you really think he can go the rest of his life without ever talking to you again? Honestly?"

There was a moment of silence. "Honestly? No. But my imagination doesn't care all that much for reality sometimes."

"Nor does anyone's. Just try to hold on to a little faith."

"I don't think I'd still be sane if I hadn't, Professor." Jean smiled sadly and walked out of the office.

_Now I can't speak for you, but I wish you'd talk to me_

_How difficult can this one conversation be?_


	14. Everywhere 1point2

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Everywhere 1.2

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: Anyone who wants it, anyone who already has it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. I also don't own "Everywhere" by Tim McGraw.

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Scott tries to move on with his life.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net

Notes: Yeah, I know, that summary describes half the series. So sue me!

_...Ever since you said good-bye_

_I've been out here on the wind,_

_And, baby, you would be surprised_

_All the places you have been._

Scott stared hard at the road. It had been five years since the airport. Ten years since he left the school. /Fuck. Fuck. Fuck./ The hurt had faded some over the years, certainly. Scott probed his own emotions. The wounds weren't so fresh. He could think of Jean without breaking down sobbing.

"Could you write when you get there? Or call? I don't want to... I'd like to stay in touch."

He hadn't, of course. /Left her in the lurch. What the fuck did I do that for... some kind of revenge?/ He didn't like pondering what twisted part of himself had decided that trying to forget Jean was a good idea. /It isn't fucking going to happen./

The lines on the road blurred. The states blurred. Everything looked the same, even when it was different. None of it mattered. Scott had decided long ago that he preferred his memories to the life he was leading. /Better a few lost happy memories than a depressing future I can recall every damn painful minute of./

_I hear you're doin' fine_

_...Got a man that's home every night_

_A couple of kids and the kind of life_

_That you want to lead._

_Guess you could say the same for me,_

_But you and I made our choices_

_All those years ago_

_Still I know I'll hear your voice_

_And see you down the road._

"Ro?" There was silence and Scott said again, "Ro? You there?"

"I-I'm here," the woman stammered, normally calm voice flustered. "Good God, Scott, where are you?"

"Somewhere in Ohio. But that's not why I called. I-"

"You want to know how Jean is."

It was Scott's turn for a moment of stunned silence. He sighed into the motel's tinny-sounding phone. "Yeah."

"She's good, Scott. Do you want to know everything?"

"I... yes, I do."

"You know that she and Logan were married?" Ororo's voice was quiet and gentle, soothing even on the cheap phone.

"I know."

"They..." she paused, clearing her throat. "They have two children."

"Two... Oh."

"Nathaniel and Sarah."

Scott knew Jean had chosen the boy's name. They had talked about having kids someday. /What's the song say? "Someday never comes"?/ "How old?"

"Nate is five and Sarah is two."

/Five. God, she might have been pregnant when I saw her./ "And they're happy?"

"Very happy, yes."

"Good."

A beat. "Are you coming back?"

"No." Scott felt tears welling in his eyes. "I can't, Ro. Not anymore. It's too damn late."

"I know."

He nodded and felt the tears spill over onto his cheeks. "Don't tell... just..."

"I won't tell anyone you called."

"Thanks, Ro." Scott hung up the phone quickly and covered his face with his hands, shoulders shaking with sobs.

_You're on every highway just beyond the high-beams,_

_Right beside me in all of my sweet dreams._

_No matter where you choose to be,_

_In my heart I'll always see you..._

_In Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard_

_Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert_

_Watchin' the sun set in Monterey_

_Girl, I swear, just the other day you were_

_Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches_

_Carolina barefoot on the beaches_

_No matter where you choose to be,_

_In my heart I'll always see you_

_Everywhere._

Scott turned out of the motel's driveway and onto the road again. Some demonic voice urged him to go back, telling him it wasn't too late, that there was still a place for him in the only place he'd ever called home. /But there isn't. It's not home anymore. Not for me./

He groaned at his own lack of self-control when he felt tears threatening again. /No more tears. If you've got to fucking remember, remember. Stop thinking about how much everything hurts now./

Jean had been with him when he left. She stayed with him down every road and through every city. Scott had forced himself long ago to accept that he couldn't be with her, but he refused to let go of her ghost. /Nobody can make me give her up. Not even me,/ Scott swore silently as he turned toward Texas again. /What the Hell. It's where I told her I'd be. At least we'll have that much./

He almost smiled as he pushed the car a bit faster, but it was a bitter smile. Wherever Scott went, he planned on keeping his memories close to his heart. /They're all I have left./


	15. Lonely 1point3

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Lonely 1.3

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks for it,

www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde [my site]

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or the song "Violet" by Savage Garden

'Ship: Scott/other, mention of Logan/Jean

Classification: general

Summary: Scott finally finds someone who could help him move on.

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: none

Feedback: to wilde at biteyourtongue dot net

_If there's a way to infiltrate you_

_Sway your mind and complicate you_

_I'm gonna crash into your world_

_And that's no lie_

_Contemplate jealousy intermixed with urgency_

_A million things take a damned good shot at you and me_

_In a way, we're the same two people looking out to sea_

_For a wave that would carry all our fantasies_

Scott stared at the pictures in his hands with tears in his eyes. The first showed Jean holding a young girl. Both were smiling, and the girl-Sarah-was waving at the camera. She had dark hair and her mother's eyes. The next again showed Jean holding the little girl and Logan crouched beside her, one arm around Jean's shoulder and one holding a young boy-Nathaniel. The images blurred in Scott's vision until he finally closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Friends of yours?" Scott's eyes flew open and he looked up to see the bookstore's newest clerk standing over him, smiling. She pushed a strand of long brown hair behind one ear and cocked her head to one side. "You still with us, Scott? Can't expect us to function without our fearless manager, can you?"

He allowed himself a smile and put the pictures back in his wallet. "No, sure can't. Especially not you. You'd probably burn the store down."

Violet laughed and then pretended to give Scott a dirty look. "Hey, I'm not _that _bad. Most of the time."

"Mmm-hmm."

"You can't tell me you haven't shorted out a computer or two in your time."

Holding his hands up in mock surrender, Scott allowed, "Alright, maybe a couple. But they started it."

"Sure they did." Violet glanced at the wallet Scott had yet to return to his pocket but didn't ask again about the pictures. "You know it's time to close now, right? And do I get overtime for making you smile? You're probably the hardest sell I've had all day."

"Hey, I'm not /that/ bad," Scott echoed, rising to close down the computers and ready the store for another night of dormancy.

"Yes you are. You lack fun in your life, mister."

"That so?"

Violet nodded firmly. "Absolutely."

"I take it you have some idea as to how I can redeem myself?"

A smile crept across her delicate features and her pale blue eyes sparkled. "Now that you mention it... You could agree to go out with me sometime."

"That probably wouldn't be appropriate. I mean, I'm your manag-"

"Live a little. Besides, _I _asked you. That should take the weight off, right?"

Scott smiled. "I suppose so. And you're not going to let me off the hook until I say yes either, are you?"

"Nope, not a chance, boss-man."

"In that case... it sounds like fun," Scott agreed.

"After work tomorrow, then. And we're not going anyplace nice," Violet called over her shoulder as she exited the shop. "Wear jeans."

"Ready?"

Violet's smile was infectious, and Scott found himself grinning back. /When was the last time you smiled and really meant it?/ "Ready."

"Good." Violet grabbed his hand and all but pulled him away from the desk and out of the door, waiting while he locked the door. "You're going to enjoy yourself. You need it." She laced her arm through his. "You have too nice a smile to go around frowning so much."

Scott's expression sobered a little. "There's just a lot-"

"We've all had a lot of that, Scotty. You've just got to remember that no matter how bad the past is, the future is yours. You can make it better."

"That so?" Scott asked, good humor returning as he looked at the beautiful woman at his side. It had been so long since he felt at all attracted to anyone that the sensation was almost foreign. /And why not? She's sweet. You need someone to talk to again. It's been so long.../

"Yep. And there's a carnival in your future, so get ready for too much sugar and lots of tacky colors."

"I had a great time," Scott told Violet sincerely as they approached her apartment.

She grinned, hugging the large pink teddy bear he'd won her under one arm. "I told you you'd have fun. This is me," she said, pointing toward one of the first doors in the hallway. "So..."

Scott could actually feel himself blushing. /God, Summers, how old are you anyway? It's the end of a date. Remember what usually happens then?/ He smiled a bit self-consciously. "Sorry. I'm... it's been a long time since-"

Before he could say anything else, Violet wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him toward her. "You think too much," she whispered before pressing her lips to his. Scott's brain took several moments to process the fact that they were kissing. When it finally did, his arms slid around her, fingers of one hand threading through her dark hair. After a few minutes, they slowly parted. "For someone who's supposed to be out of practice, you're awfully good at that."

Blushing again, Scott smiled. "Not so bad yourself."

Violet looked suddenly more serious. "Look... I know it's only been the one date and that it's no big deal in and of itself, maybe, but I've been through a lot of weird, sucky relationships, and I don't feel like getting stepped on again. So... Do I have a chance against her memory?"

Scott frowned. "Whose memory?"

She sighed and traced the line of his jaw with one finger. "Whoever broke your heart. You love her a lot, and I'm not trying to replace her. I just like you. I want to give us a shot. So do we have one?"

"Yes." The answer came without hesitation, surprising even Scott. He smiled at Violet, suddenly realizing that he was ready. "We have a shot. I've... I'll always love Jean, but she's not part of my life anymore, just my past. I held on because I was too scared to try again. I... thought that if I did, I'd just get hurt again. I never understood why Jean didn't want me. I just assumed that anyone else would get tired of me too."

Violet nodded her understanding, dark eyes shining in the dimly-lit hallway. "Seems to me you have enough layers to take quite a while just finding them all. I don't see me getting tired of you anytime soon."

Jean,

I should have done this sooner, I know. It's been too long. Maybe you don't even want this now. I couldn't write sooner. I don't think my hand would have been able to hold the pen. I couldn't call. I wouldn't have been able to say anything.

It's different now, and I guess this is going to sound abrupt and awkward. No getting around it. I'm married. She's beautiful. Not just on the outside. In that way, she's like you; what's inside is even more amazing than what's outside. If it weren't for her, I might not be writing. She yelled at me after I explained us to her. She told me I was an idiot for not contacting you.

I couldn't disagree with her. I've missed you more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. I felt like a piece of me was missing. I still do, really. But I'm hoping we can start over as friends, be like we were before we were us.

Ororo sent me pictures of the kids with you and Logan. They're adorable, Jean. The two of you are going to make amazing parents. I know it. I know how much you always wanted kids. I'm glad you have them now. Tell Logan he's a dick for me.

Love,

Scott


	16. Home 1point4

Title: Home 1.4

Series: Driving Force

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Summary: Scott introduces Violet to the family.

Rating: PG

Distribution: My site at www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde, anyone who asks nicely, anyone who already archives my fic.

Completed: April 3, 2012

_...and then I'm with you_

_No longer alone_

_When I'm with you_

_It feels like I'm home_

_And you are with me_

_No longer alone_

_How could it be?_

_It feels like I'm home_

_It feels like I'm home._

I felt like an idiot going to meet the people Scott knew as friends, family. Friends are more than family. You aren't bound to them simply because you share genes. Your loyalty and love for your friends is beyond that; it's yours. You choose them and they choose you. When a bond between friends spans years and troubles and distance, it's an amazing thing.

No matter how much time has passed, the people in Westchester are still Scott's family. And then there's Jean. Most people would say that I'm jealous or worried or something to that effect, but it isn't true. Scott loves me. He loves Jean too. That's fine by me. He's my husband, and I'm the one that he's with. I trust him enough to know that won't ever change so long as he has anything to say about it.

But good Lord it's making me feel self-conscious. Scott keeps assuring me that I'll fit in beautifully. That's not just because of my sparkling personality either. They're all mutants there, apparently. It's a school for them. For us. What? I didn't tell you? I create electricity. I thank the gods that Scott is who he is. I don't think I could have spent the rest of my life trying to explain away all the fried electronics to a "normal" man.

Bad enough that we're on our third toaster since the wedding.

"It'll be fine."

"I know. "

"They're going to love you. "

"So you keep telling me. "

"You'll love them. "

"I know. "

"It's going to be fine. "

"I know. "

"I love you. "

"I love you too. "

Alright, so I'm convincing myself more than I'm convincing her. I'm terrified. I can't imagine that they want to see me again no matter what they say. I left them all. At the time, I thought I was just running from Jean, but I really left everyone. So no matter how many times they say they want me there, I find it hard to believe.

But here I am sitting in my car in front of the school looking up at it. I can't believe I'm here again. It's odd because my heart is screaming that I'm home and my mind is screaming back at it that you can't go home. When Vi's hand reaches over and clasps mine, though, I can't even pretend to care about being afraid because she's here with me.

The second we step out of the car, Ororo is on the steps and coming toward us. She sweeps me into a graceful hug and then repeats the process with Violet as if they've been friends for years. I watch my wife's smile melt into something more at ease and know it was the right thing. Leave it to Ro to start everything off so seamlessly. She helps with the bags and chats pleasantly as she leads us inside. "New rooms, of course."

"We don't if we'll-"

"Be staying, yes," Ororo assures as she leads the way up the stairs, "but I know." The woman laughs lightly and I try not to feel nervous at the implication that we're expected to blend in and be part of things again so quickly. Violet's oohs and ahhs over the lush décor in the mansion help a lot.

Suddenly there are screeches of joy and footsteps thumping over the floor, steps that come to a sharp halt at the sight of the three of us at the top of the stairs. Jean's kids. Jean and Logan's kids. It's funny because the boy has Jean's fiery hair and dark eyes while the girl manages to hold more of her father's sharpness. Even if I hadn't known them from their pictures, it would have taken only a few seconds to realize who they were. "Hi… I-"

"You're Scott," Nathaniel observed before I had the chance to finish. "You're one of mommy and daddy's friends from a long time ago and you're back to visit and maybe stay and she said you used to teach here."

The words came out in a long stream without a single apparent breath being taken. "Uh, yes. Yeah, that's about it."

"Hey, rugrat, you already scarin' off the guests?" came a gruff voice from down the hall. Logan appeared around the corner with a smirk on his face. "We don't get a lotta those. Try playin' nice. You too, girlie."

Sarah stuck her tongue out at her father. I liked her already. "Hey, Logan."

"Scooter. Long time no see." I was shocked to find no accusation in the words. Logan greeted me with a firm handshake and a measuring glance before introducing himself with surprising cordiality to Violet.

And then Jean was standing behind him like she'd materialized there. I think the biggest relief I've ever experienced in my life was when my only reaction was warmth. There were no butterflies or stomach flips or crushing revelations that I needed her to keep breathing. She was lovely and happy and I smiled as I gave her a gentle hug and introduced her to Violet. I slid my arm around my wife's waist and the grin on my face broadened. We'd survived it. We'd live through losing each other and come out happier than before. "It's good to be home."


	17. The End v2point0

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: The End v2.0

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: My site at www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde, anyone who asks nicely, anyone who already archives my fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or the song "In My Car" by Gin Blossoms. Don't sue, please! I don't have anything worth taking!

'Ship: Logan/Jean

Classification: gen/slight angst, maybe

Summary: Scott returns to the school after three years.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

_I miss her feel, her touch, her taste_

_I feel the distance everyplace_

_This distance can't be taken casually_

Scott Summers gripped the wheel of his new/old car, a small black model with only a few rust spots. It had been cheap enough to be within his budget and still had enough parts left to run, which was all he needed. He needed a way to get home.

Almost three years had passed since he sped away from the school on his bike, which he'd eventually ended up stripping the turbo from and trading in. He looked out across the scenery, remembering a time when he could have told the exact distance from Xavier's School from almost any given point without a second's hesitation. /Now I can barely tell where I am./

The memory gaps were disturbing and comforting all at the same time. Scott wanted to be different when he walked in the door. He wanted people to see some sort of change in him. Mostly, he wanted to be near Jean again. /Logan might've gotten the girl, but I'll be damned if I spend another day without being near her,/ Scott affirmed silently.

"Just don't be too long," Logan had said when he caught Scott sneaking away in the middle of the night. /It's been way too long./ Living without Jean's love hurt enough. Living without her was even worse. /I need her, whether she needs me or not./ And no matter where he'd run, all he could feel was the lengthening miles between them and the weakening of their now-dissolved bond.

_Take my time just drive around_

_I'm feeling lost in my hometown_

_Every turn I take is comforting_

Scott had lunch at a small café in Westchester more as a reason to delay his arrival at the school than out of hunger. He picked half-heartedly at the food then left the waitress a five dollar tip for being so patient with his nervous terseness. /Not her fault my heart is beating so loud I can barely hear myself think./

Behind the wheel once again, Scott found the road to the school without thinking. /Guess I remember more than I figured./ It would have been easy to take the wrong turn on purpose and spend a little more time thinking, trying to plan what he would say to anyone and everyone when he walked in, but Scott knew that no amount of planning could help him anticipate what seeing Jean again might be like. He expected sadness, pain, anger, and exhilaration.

The gates were open as usual and Scott parked near the front door, steeling himself-or trying to-before stepping outside the vehicle. His palms were sweating, and Scott felt as if his body was going to shake itself apart. /Get a grip, Summers!/ He pulled a worn duffel bag from the back seat and ascended the steps.

The door opened quietly. There was no one in the hall, and Scott had to fight a half-forgotten urge to send Jean a greeting through a bond that didn't exist. "Hello?" he called into the empty hallway.

A form appeared at the end of the hall, and Scott knew instantly that it was Rogue by the long, white-streaked auburn hair. She looked entirely different otherwise. She wasn't a little girl anymore. Her face was slender and so was her form, more curvaceous by half than it had been when he left. "Mr. Summers?" she asked with a hesitant smile.

"Hi, Rogue."

The young woman smiled and held her arms out. "Miss us?"

He pulled her into a quick hug, fighting back tears. There was something immensely comforting in Rogue's immediate acceptance. "Yes. More than you'll ever know."

She stepped back and studied him. "Ya need to shave. Stubble just doesn't look right on ya," Rogue teased. Her dark eyes watched him for another breath. "Ya wanna see Dr. Grey?"

Something in him was comforted that Jean's name hadn't changed. /At least they aren't married./ "I think so," he replied with a sheepish smile.

Rogue linked her arm through his. "Too damn nervous. Ain't like ya at all. We're gonna have hell whippin' ya back into shape, aren't we?"

"We?" Scott inquired cautiously.

"The X-Men, silly. Ya didn't think ya'd come back and we'd let ya slack off, didja?" Rogue explained, voice carrying a note of reproach. "And 'we' are Jean, Ororo, Logan, Bobby, and me. That sound about right?"

"That sounds great," Scott affirmed.

"Here ya go." Rogue pointed into the TV room. Logan and Jean were sitting together on the couch, her legs swung over his lap as they talked quietly about something. "It ain't gonna get easier if ya wait," Rogue reminded Scott as she walked off in the opposite direction.

Scott stepped into the room and the movement caught Logan's eye instantly. A smile spread across the other man's face. "About damn time," he complained lightly as Jean's head swung to face the same direction.

"Scott!" She was up and in his arms what seemed like seconds later. They held each other for a few moments, then she pulled back, smiling. "Where have you been?"

He swallowed, overwhelmed by her reception. "I... just... anywhere but here," he finally finished.

Jean bit her lip. "Oh."

Logan came to stand beside her, offering Scott his hand. "Find anything useful?"

Scott took Logan's hand and shook it. "Not a damn thing," he replied honestly.

Logan nodded. "Yep." His arm went around Jean's waist. "I could've told ya that much if you weren't so damn stubborn."

"I wouldn't have believed you before," Scott reminded him.

"Yeah. How 'bout now?"

Scott surprised himself by smiling. "I believe you."

Logan nodded again and Jean smiled. "You're staying?" she asked hopefully, gaze drifting to the duffel bag.

"Yep. This is the only place worth being for me."

"Besides," Logan added with one eyebrow arched, "if you try runnin' out again, I'll kill you myself."

Jean laughed and swatted her lover's chest before turning back to Scott. "Welcome home."

Slowly, a smile spread across his face. Things were different, but that didn't mean they couldn't still be good. "It's great to be here."


	18. The End v3point0

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: The End v3.0

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: My site at www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde, anyone who asks nicely, anyone who already archives my fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men and I don't own the song "The Lover After Me" by Savage Garden. Please don't sue!

'Ship: mention of Logan/Jean and Scott/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Scott returns to Xavier's school.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

_Here I go again; I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today._

_It's been seven months and counting_

_You've moved on_

_I still feel exactly the same._

_It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name_

_Like photographs and memories of love_

_Steel and granite reminders_

_The city calls your name and I can't move on._

Scott stalked down another street in another city and let the bitter winter wind chill his skin. /Too damn bad it only numbs the outside,/ he thought darkly, pulling his coat a little tighter. His skin was chapped from the wind. Walking outside made his body cold and almost unfeeling.

His heart was an entirely different story. It seemed to Scott that with each turn he took, the world got darker and colder. /Because Jean isn't in it. At least not for me./ He thrust his hands deeper in his jean pockets and walked with his head down, against the wind.

/Get it together, Summers. She's over it. You should be too./ Scott shivered, but the spasm had little to do with the weather. He was tired of the cold, of the loneliness, of living each day with no direction or purpose. He had walked away from everything that made life worth living.

/I walked away from Jean./

_Ever since you've been gone_

_The lights go out the same_

_The only difference is_

_You call another name_

_To your love_

_To your lover now_

_To your love_

_The lover after me_

/And if you were there, you could-what? Watch her be with Logan? Feel it.../ He shuddered, remembering the way he could feel Jean's emotions the first time she made love to Logan. /Talk about rubbing salt in a wound./ It hadn't been intentional, of course, and he supposed his misery had echoed back to her the way her joy had to him. But the echoes grew fainter every day. /Now I can't feel her if I try./

He wondered how the way Jean felt toward Logan compared to the way she had felt toward him. They had been friends for years before they were lovers. Scott knew Jean almost better than he knew himself. /I thought I did, anyway./

/Was that Logan's whole appeal? He was just... different? Something new?/ Scott sighed and ducked into a nearby coffee shop to get warm, buying the cheapest stuff they had even though it earned him a scornful glare from the young waitress. He took the coffee with a brief thank you and sat down in the darkest corner the place had to offer. /Was I that boring or is he that exciting?/ Scott sighed and downed almost half the blisteringly hot liquid. /This train of thought isn't doing a hell of a lot for my self-confidence./

_Am I all alone in the universe?_

_There's no love on these streets._

_I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway._

_So this is my new freedom_

_It's funny_

_I don't remember being chained_

_But nothing seems to make sense anymore_

_Without you I'm always twenty minutes late._

Alone again in the cockroach-infested dive Scott was temporarily calling home, the former leader of the X-Men tried to figure out why he'd ever thought he could leave. /Yeah, you can survive without Jean. Right. And you can also do without air and water. It'll work just great./

/Until you go completely insane./

Being alone wasn't fun. Scott hated trying to sleep without hearing Jean's breathing at his side. He hated waking up holding a pillow instead of her. /God, you're pitiful, Summers. Can't even function without her. Dammit./

Scott rose from the bed with a resolute scowl and grabbed a duffel bag, throwing his few possessions-at least the few he might need-inside. Fumbling with his wallet, he surmised that he had just enough money. /Fuck it. I'm going home./ Slamming the door shut behind him, Scott turned to the street and started waving his hand. Soon enough, a yellow taxi swerved to a halt in front of him. Scott piled into the backseat. "Where ya headed, buddy?" the greasy-looking driver asked without glancing back at his charge.

"Westchester. Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we get there tonight."

_And time goes by so slowly_

_The nights are cold and lonely_

_I shouldn't be holding on_

_But I'm still holding on for you._

_Here I go again_

_I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today_

_But I'm standing at your doorway_

_I'm calling out your name because I can't move on._

Scott was inside the mansion before he had time to think. He knew himself well enough to know that a second's hesitation would mean overanalyzing the situation and deciding to leave again. /And then I'd be right back where I started./ Taking a deep breath, he looked around. It seemed exactly the same. /It's only been seven months, moron. Of course it's the same./

He took another shaky breath and started up the stairs. He let his heart lead, let any coherent thought slip away. /Thinking is what got me into this damn mess./ He didn't pass anyone on the way-not that he'd expected to at four in the morning-and was glad for it.

The door looked the same. /Our room./ He knew better, of course. He knew it was no longer "our room." /Their room,/ he corrected, a sudden pang echoing through his being.

Three gentle knocks later, Jean appeared. Her hair was mussed from sleep, eyes bleary. She wore a plain white cotton gown and had a fuzzy blue robe clutched together in front of her. Then her eyes went wide and became clear. "Scott!"

He managed a weak smile. "Hey."

"You're here!" Jean blinked a couple of times and then asked, "When did you get here?"

"Just now. I came straight here. I just... I..." Scott suddenly realized that all his focus on being impulsive had left even him at a loss in regard to his motives. "I guess I just needed to see you."

She smiled. "I'm glad." She let another moment pass and then said, "How about breakfast?"

Scott gave her a genuine smile then. "Sure. I'll find a room and then meet you in the kitchen."

"Okay."

"Okay."

As he turned, Jean called after him, "Scott?"

"Yeah?"

"I missed you."

His smile faded a little. "I missed you too."


	19. Letting Go 3point1

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Letting Go 3.1

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: My site at www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde, anyone who asks nicely, anyone who already archives my fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Logan or Scott or Jean or the X-Men or the song "Just to See You Smile" by Tim McGraw.

'Ship: Scott/Jean, Logan/Jean

Classification: angst

Summary: Scott's return could change Logan and Jean's relationship forever.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: none

_When you said time was all you really needed,_

_I walked away and let you have your space_

_'Cause leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly_

_As the tears I saw rollin' down your face._

I didn't expect to come down to breakfast and find the woman I love talking to the man she'd left to be with me. I especially didn't expect to see her smiling like I hadn't seen her smile in forever and laughing at some joke I'd never be a part of.

I left the room, left them alone. They have things to work out, I told myself, lots of old ground to cover. They need to find a new place to start, maybe.

I eventually went back to Jean's room and found her inside crying. Crying. I hadn't seen her cry since Scott left that first time. "Logan..."

"Jeannie, you okay?" I was at her side with my arm around her shoulders before I gave it a second thought.

"No. Yes. Logan..." Like somebody had punched me in the gut, I felt what she wanted even before she could form the words. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill Scott. I just sat there and listened. "I need to... to think. It's just so... please-"

"That's okay, darlin'. I understand." I didn't really, though. She'd picked me. My mind protested that she couldn't change her mind now, couldn't take back the time we'd spent together, the love I thought we shared. "You take all the time you need." I smiled at her-or at least tried to-and walked out.

_And yesterday I knew just what you wanted_

_When you came walkin' up to me with him,_

_So I told you that I was happy for you_

_And given the chance I'd lie again._

Then there they were, walking down the hall a few days later. Scott had his arm around her waist, and I knew what it feels like to feel your heart stop. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to move or speak or, hell, even breathe ever again. Then I saw Jean smiling. She was happy. That's what I wanted. I wanted her to be happy.

So I stepped out of the shadows and I told her I was glad she was happy. I don't think I sounded too bitter. I shook Scott's hand, and he looked so relieved I'm surprised he didn't pass out. "Take good care of her or I'll kill you." He knew I meant it. She knows I love her.

I walked away again. My muscles were screaming at me to stay, my heart was breaking, and my mind's never been so damn loud, but I walked away and left them together just because Jean was happy. Because he made her smile.

_Just to see you smile_

_I'd do anything that you wanted me to._

_When all is said and done,_

_I'd never count the cost_

_It's worth all that's lost_

_Just to see you smile._


	20. Reunion 3point2

Author: Elizabeth Wilde

Title: Reunion 3.2

Series: Driving Force

Distribution: My site at www dot biteyourtongue dot net slash wilde, anyone who asks nicely, anyone who already archives my fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the X-Men characters or the song "Least Complicated" by Indigo Girls.

'Ship: Scott/Jean

Classification: general

Summary: Scott and Jean work out their differences.

Rating: PG

Spoilers: not really

"A fresh start?"

"Yes. That's the only way it'll work, isn't it? We can't let the past control our future. Maybe that's why we didn't work the first time. We held on too long just because we'd been together through so much."

"Maybe. Maybe I'm just an idiot."

"Don't joke about that, Jean. You're brilliant."

"That doesn't mean I can't make mistakes."

"We all make mistakes."

_~So long ago when we were taught_

_That for whatever kind of puzzle you got_

_You just stick the right formula in_

_A solution for every fool.~_

The first time I saw Scott, I had just arrived at the school. I looked up into the second story window and saw him watching me. Not alone, of course. Hank and Warren were with him. But it was Scott I couldn't take my eyes off of. I watched him until I was led inside the mansion and still the image of the handsome young man with red sunglasses followed me.

We were both too shy and too nervous to speak to each other as anything but friends, teammates. It was silly and ridiculous. Every time I saw Scott, my stomach felt like it had those stupid cartoon butterflies in it. I'm surprised there weren't any of those silly hearts appearing above my head. Warren and I dated for awhile, but it never meant much more than a little fun. We finally admitted it was just friendship and went our separate ways. I sometimes wonder if Scott was ever jealous about it. I kept meaning to ask and never did.

Then we finally found each other. There came a point where denying our attraction, our connection, was ridiculous. There was no point in it. So we gave in. We dated. We fell even deeper in love than we already were. Scott was everything to me. Is everything.

_~I remember the time when I came so close with you_

_I let everything go it seemed the only truth_

_And I bought you that ring, it seemed the thing to do._

_What makes me think I could start clean-slated_

_The hardest to learn was the least complicated.~_

The day Jean agreed to marry me was without question the most amazing day of my life. She blushed and I stuttered and we kissed until we couldn't catch our breath, then we fell over laughing. Naturally, the first thing after that was finding the professor and telling him. Without Charles, I might never have even come up with the courage to ask Jean out.

I still remember seeing his eyes light up, though he suspected such a move was coming. I shook his hand, and he kissed Jean's cheek, and we all sat around and talked about nothing in particular for hours. Everything that had ever been wrong with my life didn't matter. I felt Jean holding my hand, and nothing else could matter. We were together. Always.

Forever doesn't last as long as it used to.

We weren't ready, I don't suppose. We loved each other. I worshipped her. But I was also young. In the movies when people are in love, they get married. I swear, even if they're only twelve, in the movies, they get married. So I bought Jean a ring and I asked her to marry me and everything seemed right.

Beneath the surface, we were both slowly crawling out of our skin. She never realized all the things she hadn't done until she thought she couldn't do them. I never realized how inexperienced I was when it came to real commitment. My previous relationships had been brief. Fun, but brief. Intense, but short-lived. With Jean, there was the intensity, the excitement, and something deeper that was so pure and beautiful that it scared the hell out of me.

_~I'm just a mirror of a mirror myself_

_All the things that I do,_

_And the next time I fall, I'm gonna have to recall_

_It isn't love it's only something new.~_

"I'd forgive you anything."

"That's a pretty tall order, Scott."

"Just make sure the next time you pick a guy I could beat up."

"That's not funny!"

"It doesn't have to be. C'mere. I just want to hold you."

"Not gonna argue with that."

"I love you, Jean."

"I love you too, Scott."


End file.
